Explanations–My Year

I have been gone for a long time, I know.  I know that some of you have worried, and some have just been puzzled.  It is here that I will tell you the story of my year.  This is rather personal, more personal than I usually allow myself to be in this blog.  This is the only time I will write about this topic with this amount of candor.  But I feel like there have been a lot of question marks around lil miss natalie that need to be made into periods.

Photo by Michael Helms

Photo by Michael Helms

First of all, I have chronic fatigue syndrome.  I don’t publicize it much, but some of my patrons know.  I’ve had it for roughly 6 years and had gotten to a point where I was pretty high functioning.  However, January of 2015 was one of the most stressful months I’ve ever faced.  I consequently got sick…sicker than I ever been with this illness.  I spent much time bedridden and was in a lot of pain. After about six months of grave illness, I was finally able to start reintegrating back into my home and life.

I assumed that I could dive right back in, but this was a vast overestimation on my part.  Honestly, coming back from being so sick has taken emotional resources I never knew I possessed.  When I started pro-subbing four years ago, I learned to handle life and work with my illness slowly, step by step, as I built my name and my business. However, this time not only were there more external demands and stressors happening in my life than I’ve ever experienced, nothing had waited for me.  I had a backlog in pretty much every aspect of my life, and I was still recovering both physically and emotionally from being so incredibly ill, which itself was a huge stressor.

Every week I said, I just need to take care of this, this, and this and I will start working again.  But the number of “this’s” didn’t stop for a long time, longer than I ever could have anticipated.  Looking back I think that, to a certain extent, I let the “this’s” take precedence in order to give myself space to work through the PTSD I was experiencing as a result of my recent health struggle.

I know that I have been flaky.  I have not answered emails or phone calls in a long while.  I’m sure some patrons have left and moved on, but a lot of you have stayed, which means the world to me.  Please know that I was never flaky because I didn’t care, or out of a lack of respect.  There were months were I was too sick to even contact my friends.  And as I recovered through an extremely overwhelming period, I did what I needed to do to take care of myself.  Which meant focusing on other things than my emails and phone messages.  And, honestly, I have done things very imperfectly because, well, I’m human, plain and simple.  I apologize to anyone who has been either frustrated or worried.

Photo by Michael Helms

Photo by Michael Helms

I am now in a much, much better place.  I am working with a program geared toward helping me through the emotional trauma of what happened, and that has very much allowed for a massive amount of growth on my part in much vaster areas than what I’m discussing in this blog entry.  It has been the hidden blessing.

And I’m finally ready to dive into my job again.  I’m ready for the mutual exploration again, the pain, the pleasure, the darkness, the laughter, the orgasms, the fetishes…everything, I’m ready for it.  There may be some changes in my scheduling, but other than that, things should be the way they were before I was sick.  And I’m working out of an amazing new dungeon, which I will write about in my next entry.

Please be aware, this is the only time I am opening up about this.  I will not be answering questions about this part of my life in sessions, emails, or phone calls.  Anyone who asks will be directed to this blog entry.  I will, however, answer any queries that relate to our session experience.  For example, I am probably less flexible than I was a year ago and some bondage may have to be modified, although I will be starting a comprehensive stretching program so that probably won’t last long.

I look forward to what all of you have in store…

Sorry for the absence — things went haywire!

lil miss natalie pet play Perry Gallagher

Photo taken on me in my kitty persona, La Bella Kitten, by Perry Gallagher in LA

I apologize for the absence of a new post in a while it has been a whirlwind.  I spent some time in LA in November working and my next post was supposed to be about that.  Got to shoot video with some amazing people, including Russell Peter, Renee AdamsJewell MarceauIsabella SinclaireMs. Vanity Sin, and Steve Villa.  I was also able to shoot some amazing stills with the incomparable Perry Gallagher, who was kind enough to let me stay as his houseguest and his good friend, the also incomparable Michael Helms.  While I was there I also took sub sessions.  And, finally, I did some work trying to get Footnight parties started in Atlanta.  I will definitely be updating you on any videos that come out via Twitter and any progress getting our foot worship on here in the Southeast!

lil miss natalie bondage injury wrist drop

A picture of my hand injury the day after it happened. I couldn’t lift my hand any higher than this.

After getting back from LA, I took to getting back to work and spending Thanksgiving with my family.  It was the weekend after this that things got dicey in natalie’s world!  On Saturday night I was at a local play party doing a very intense, stressful rope scene.  I was in a very normal tie, but when I came out of it I was unable to move my left hand.  A trip to the ER confirmed that I had injured my radial nerve and was suffering from “wrist drop”, where the nerve is damaged and cannot tell the extenders on the top of the hand to lift it.  So basically my hand just hangs there, sagging.  I’m currently wearing a wrist brace, and expect that it will be around mid to late January for the injury to completely heal.  Within the last week I’ve gained more dexterity in my fingers and a little more movement in my attempts to lift my hand.

This has NOT prevented me from sessioning with clients, unless they are looking for heavy/extreme bondage, which is not normally the case.  I can still participate in light to medium bondage, as long as it isn’t straining certain parts of my left arm.  The main thing it is preventing me from doing is modeling.  Although I won’t be completely healed, I hope to have the hand coordination to be able to start posing again around the first of the year.  However, I definitely won’t be doing any bondage modeling until at least February, 2015.  For now, I am loading up on B vitamins and other supplements said to help with nerve repair, staying away from alcohol (which is very bad for the healing nerves), and drinking lots of water.

And to add insult to injury (almost literally), the next day after the accident I came down with a pretty bad case of the flu, which lasted half the week.  Since then I’ve been in a whirlwind of playing catch-up, slowly checking things off a massive to-do list.  Luckily, I finally get to check “write blog entry” off, well…at least for this week.  I’ll check in with y’all next week🙂

 

 

 

Newest Review

I have been in the S&M scene for some 17 years, many of those as a submissive.  5 years ago, I became interesting in topping.  After several less than satisfactory experiences, I finally met Natalie.  I saw the adds, her blog and other posts and she looked almost too good to be true.

Photo by Perry Gallagher

Photo by Perry Gallagher

In short, she is the real deal, a true submissive who enjoys herself perhaps even more than her clients.  For three years, we have tried everything on her ok list and she never fails to amaze me with her beauty, strength and ability to absorb pain without complaint.  Since I don’t live in Atlanta, I only get to see her every other month but we always have a blast.

If you are looking for a special experience, real all the information on her site (especially her short No List) and contact her.  Treat her nice (I know that sounds strange) but you’ll have a better session if you give her respect for what she is – the best Pro Sub you’ll ever find anywhere. –B

Top Space–written by The Lady Elizabeth

The Lady Elizabeth is a renowned Pro-Domme in Connecticut. Check her out at ladyelizabeth.net.

The Lady Elizabeth is a renowned Pro-Domme in Connecticut. Check her out at ladyelizabeth.net.

If you spend any time in the BDSM community, you will probably hear something about “subspace”.  But we rarely hear about what the Top/Dominant goes through when they are conducting a scene.  It is actually a subject I’ve been interested in for a long time.  I remember one of my Doms would get so wiped out from our scenes that afterwards, while I would lay my head is his lap, he would start falling asleep while still sitting up.  I knew it wasn’t the physical, but the mental/energetic exertion, that wore him out to that point and I was fascinated to know what that was like for him.

But it wasn’t until recently that I took the time to reach out and ask Dominants about their experience.   I specifically wanted to post it on this blog because I would like to see more public discourse about it.  I have a lot of opinions regarding Dominants’ portrayal in the public sphere (i.e. I don’t think there is enough of it), but that is for another entry.  Luckily, Lady Elizabeth was supportive of my request and wrote an exceptionally well written and informative piece on her experience with “topspace”.  Lady Elizabeth is an extremely experienced Pro-Domme in Connecticut, and I was recently fortunate to bottom to her in a beautiful needle scene, which I have spoken of I previous entries.  You can check her out at ladyelizabeth.net and on Twitter– @MyLadyElizabeth.  Here are her words below.

There’s been a lot of writing in the BDSM world on the topic of “subspace.” Subspace is the frame of mind a submissive can reach through engagement in all sorts of kinky activities. Often likened to a runner’s high, subspace is an altered state of consciousness reached through natural, bodily means, rather than through use of illicit chemicals. In subspace, people report feelings of exhilaration, bliss, or relaxation…all sorts of positive feelings that enhance the experience and drive their desire for intense BDSM scenes.

I’ll confess: I have zero personal experience being in subspace, because I’m not a switch. However, I do know how to guide people into their unique versions of subspace, which is something I’ve learned and practiced in over a decade of experience as a professional dominant. I do experience something like subspace when I push my body’s boundaries through dance, skiing, or other intense forms of exercise. I also am intimately familiar with the dominant’s equivalent headspace: top space.

Lady Elizabeth leading me through a very beautiful needle scene

Lady Elizabeth leading me through a very beautiful needle scene

As a top, I experience three distinct sets of feelings when I play, each corresponding with a different part of the scene. When I studied Anthropology, I learned that all social rituals have three phases:
1. induction phase: participants are brought together and prepared for what they are about to share
2. liminal phase: the ritual itself, whether it’s an initiation or a wedding ceremony
3. reintroduction phase: the final phase where participants rejoin society with a new identity
I believe BDSM scenes have these same three phases, and as the dominant I assume the role of the guide who takes the submissive through the rite of passage. Think of me as a kinky shaman, if you will.
The first part of my top space begins before the scene starts. For me, top space always involves a certain amount of pre-scene jitters. When I’m meeting someone new, it feels a bit like stage fright, a pleasant and familiar set of butterflies that remind me I’m about to make a very important first impression. I’m not nervous about my ability to do my job or be safe – I know I possess those skills. I’m nervous because I don’t know how my new partner will respond, what our chemistry will be like, or which of his buttons I’ll enjoy pushing most. Even when I’m playing with someone I know well, I still get a bit of pre-scene anticipation. My most established submissive partners have played with me for a decade, and I know their bodies like the back of my hand, but each scene still brings something new.

The second and longest period of my top space emerges as our BDSM scene unfolds. I have my slaves kneel and kiss my feet to signal the beginning of our play; it’s a personal ritual that means a great deal to me. It helps me close off the rest of the world from my mind, and brings me into focus on the task at hand. The more intense the scene gets, the more the rest of the world disappears. I become hyper aware of the things that matter most in the moment. Each of my senses narrows its focus. I hear only the sound of my voice and the clicking of my heels on the floor. I see the rhythm of my submissive’s breathing and watch where my whip strikes. My sense of touch perceives any tightness in her body, and I know the very instant when his skin barely starts to perspire.

Lady Elizabeth caning an ass at DommeTrips 2014. Photo by 2G Photography.

Lady Elizabeth caning an ass at DommeTrips 2014. Photo by 2G Photography.

During this period the rest of the world falls away, which is the real reason why we do this kinky stuff that we do. This is the time when our stress levels fall and our breathing becomes slow and intense. This type of top space is a close analog to the shaman’s alpha rhythm or the runner’s high. We are most aware of the moment and nothing else. I’ve heard dominants joke that the rest of the house could be on fire and they wouldn’t notice unless smoke got into the dungeon. It’s true! I was once engaged in a scene with a lovely couple in the Caribbean. There was a fire play scene that got out of hand less than ten feet away from us, and I didn’t even notice. I heard about it afterwards and was quite surprised!
The third and final phase of top space happens after the play concludes. Once the submissive’s needs have been tended to and the toys tidied and put away, the dominant can finally let go of that hyper-focused feeling. Post scene feelings vary dramatically, depending on a variety of factors. I can feel loopy, exhilarated, or drained. Often I am ravenously hungry, because I’ve burned so many calories for so long, particularly if my client has booked a few hours of my time. In the BDSM lifestyle we talk a lot about giving submissives after care, but sometimes a top needs after care too. We can experience “top drop” in the form of depressed feelings or exhaustion. Slaves, this would be a good time to offer a foot massage, or simply ask what she needs most and respect what she requests. Helping recharge your dominant’s batteries is an excellent way to say thank you for a positive experience.

The subspace/top space dynamic is one way a good D/s relationship benefits both players. Dominants also experience emotional and physical highs when we play. All three phases of top space arise from the pleasure of being in control. The more challenging the scene or the more intimate the D/s connection, the more intensely the dominant will experience top space.

Phone Session Review

Yes people, I don’t just do live sessions.  I do webcam and phone sessions as well!  Here is a review from one of my patrons!

Photo by Shadow Ink

Photo by Shadow Ink

I have had the pleasure of doing 3 phone sessions with Miss Natalie in the last few months. Our sessions have ranged from her being the Lady of the house and I am the boy baby sitting for her and her kids. The kids had been sleeping for some time and I was caught trying on some of her nighties/ panties and Bra’s. She took control right away and told me that if I wanted to wear her clothes that I would need to be treated like a girl and if I didn’t allow her to punish me she was going to inform my parents of what I was caught doing with her clothes. She went on to punish me with a strap on and some face slapping. Besides that call, she was quite agreeable and did a daddy and daughter call twice with me. She gets so into her roles that you would believe that she truly was a little girl or a controlling Parent. Daddy had to train her on many things and she went right into the role and is very quick to respond to any situation that I threw at her during our session. She truly is good at what she does and if you have never done  phone sessions with anyone for role play, Miss Natalie is the one you should give a try. You will be amazed on how great she is. I can’t wait to meet her in person and do a live session. Thanks Miss Natalie for being so kind and understanding. I look forward to many calls with you and I really feel I have found a person I could call a Friend. –M

Needle Play Photos–Not for the Squeamish!!!!!

Wanted to post some of the photos from the series Tommy O took during a very intense needle scene with me, Mistress Absolute, and Lady Elizabeth.

Please know that the last half of the photos, when the needles are removed, are pretty bloody, so look at your own risk and don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I also want to add that although Tommy O took these photos, they were shot casually, have not been edited, and are not representative of his professional photos.

Getting tied down

Getting tied down

First needle going in...

First needle going in…

Lady Elizabeth pushing endorphin buttons

Lady Elizabeth pushing endorphin buttons

Processing...

Processing…

Absolute sticking my labia while I scream out. My face tells you pretty much everything...

Absolute sticking my labia while I scream out. My face tells you pretty much everything…

Mistress Absolute and some breath play.  She's one of the only people I will let do this...

Mistress Absolute and some breath play. She’s one of the only people I will let do this…

Lady Elizabeth and Mistress Absolute

Lady Elizabeth and Mistress Absolute

Fully pierced...

Fully pierced…

Starting the removal...

Starting the removal…

My bloody breast

My bloody breast

Trickle...

Trickle…

Gratuitous crotch shot :)

Gratuitous crotch shot🙂

Bloody spacey mess!

Bloody spacey mess!

This was the first time I actually opened my eyes during the whole scene.

This was the first time I actually opened my eyes during the whole scene.

In space, getting aftercare from Absolute

In space, getting aftercare from Absolute

I kind of wish I had a picture of me masturbating  the morning afterwards.  That was actually the end of the scene for me.  It took me all night to process the energy of those needles, and that energy culminated in a massive morning orgasm alone in my room🙂  Such a sweet experience.  I’m so thankful to have such experienced Dommes to take me through that delicate scene.  I am a very lucky girl!!!!!

DommeTrips–Dominican Domination 2014

Sometimes I am amazed at how long it takes me to write these blog entries.  I’ve been back from my trip to the Dominican Republic for a week and a half now and I’m just getting down to writing about it!  It’s something I’m trying to work on, but I’m not perfect, and better late than never right?!

I had an amazing time at Domme Trips this year.  It the second year in a row that I have gone and it was honestly like going to a big kinky family reunion!  Last year, I spent my time getting to know everyone and having a relaxing vacation.  This year, I got to deepen my friendships with those I already knew, as well as hanging out with some awesome new friends!

An example of the silliness.  Something was said about not being able to make a baguette hurt, a challenge that SirSoBored took.  I caught some of the flying debri and had a snack :)

An example of the silliness. Something was said about not being able to make a baguette hurt, a challenge that SirSoBored took. I caught some of the flying debri and had a snack🙂

If you don’t know about Domme Trips, it is basically a kinky vacation organized by the fabulous Domina Bellicose and Mistress Absolute, attended by some of the top Dominatrixes in the world, their slaves, and just kinky people in general.  If you look at the website, you will see a list of Dominas that are interested in going.  Male subs have the opportunity to sponsor the Dominatrix of your choice (if she doesn’t already have someone sponsoring her) and you get the honor of serving her, worshiping her, having play time with her, all while spending relaxing time at the beach during the day and partying it up at night.  It is a time for people to let their hair down, be silly, play (in both kinky and non kinky ways).  If you have ever envisioned a laid back, kinky vacation with a bunch of awesome people, I highly recommend it!  Both Domina Bellicose and Absolute go out of their way to make sure that everyone is taken care of and the work they put into making it happen in mindboggling!

I went with my long time patron, Bob, with whom I also went last year.  He is an awesome travel companion and I’m excited about going with him next year as well.  He is a switch, so I have the pleasure of being Topped by him and also Topping him!  The best scene with him was near the end of the vacation, when Goddess Phoenix and I organized the other Dominatrixes to take turns caning and flogging his bottom.  I went back and forth while this was happening, alternately providing him with breath play and a good heel into his balls.  Despite constant complaints about the cane being his least favorite implement, he had a nice big smile at the end of it.

Mistress Absolute providing me with some sexy hydration during our needle play scene.  Photo by TommyO

Mistress Absolute providing me with some sexy hydration during our needle play scene. Photo by TommyO

I had some amazing scenes there as well.  Most notably, I had a very intense needle scene led by Mistress Absolute and The Lady Elizabeth.  I had been wanting a scene like this for a long time and had contacted Elizabeth beforehand due to her proficiency in needle play.  Tied to a lawn chair by the (deceptively) sweet Eve, I had several “endorphin buttons” ( needles organized to form a circle that when pressed down upon release a wave of endorphins) arranged on my right breast by Lady Elizabeth, while Absolute took to piercing my left breast and stomach.  I also had needle down my inner thighs by Mistress Nicolette.  And for the final touch they pierced me down my labia, which I had never had done before.  I plan on posting the photos as their own blog post because there are so many of them I find beautiful.  After the needles were taken out, I was covered in blood, which I found rather erotic and fascinating.  I will probably not post those on this blog, but some will find their way to Tumblr for sure.

lil miss natalie hand spanking

My ass being handed to me by, well, a hand…

The other scene worth mentioning was something of a milestone.  I have this horrible habit, as a masochist, of actively offering Sadists ideas with which to torture me.  In this case, I had just negotiated a spanking/paddling scene with Armogeddon when I off handedly made the comment that no one had ever made me call red from just a hand spanking.  With massive, muscular hands, Armogeddon just looked at me and said, “Challenge accepted!”  I really don’t know why I do things like that.  I wasn’t even trying to challenge him, it just slipped out.  We went out to the spanking bench, and after a nice warm up he pretty much let me have it.  And yes, I did call red.  I called red for the first time on a hand spanking.  But, to my credit, he left with a bruised hand and admitted that he was about to tap out in a moment if I hadn’t called red.   So I still consider it a victory!

And since coming back, I have been thrown back into life in full force.  In a couple days I will be traveling to LA for 8 days, from the 9th to the 16th.  After that I will staying in Atlanta for a few months in order to remember what life is like when you are not leaving every other week.